CAUTION: Long winded diatribe follows.
Apparently Thursdays are the days when Jazzmanian has to be a critic.
Considering how much effort obviously went into this, and how slick and professional the finished result is, I really feel pretty bad saying that it just doesn't work for me. (Which doesn't change the fact that I think it's awesome from a technical perspective.)
But the fact is that what you're showing us is the opening credit sequence for your production company, correct? This discussion kind of hits right in my wheelhouse since I work in marketing for a living. What is a production company credit sequence? Basically it's a short, quick advertisement for our production company. As such, it's got an important job to do. It's how we brand our production company name and get it stuck in the mind of the audience so they begin to associate us with the films that they see. Actors have it easy, since they show up through the entire film and people remember them. To get your production company known and generate a positive image with the viewing audience, you've got just this one short moment before the film begins to grab their attention and burn your image in their minds. For one example, if the rest of the members here watch anywhere near as many movies as I do, I'd be willing to bet that the solid majority of you could, right now, without going and looking it up, describe the credit sequence for Dreamworks. Bet you can, can't you?
It's damned near perfect and it gets the job done.
Yours is failing that test in my opinion, on a few levels.
First of all, as previously mentioned, it's too long... particularly if you're using it for a short film, but I think it still borders on being too long even for a feature. It's an advertisement. People dont' like advertisements. They came to watch a movie and ads can be annoying, but we tolerate them as a neccesary evil. Less is more in this case.
Second, I really don't care for credit sequences that actually look like live action film shots. (And again, it's a credit to your technical ability that yours looks so real.) I prefer something a bit more abstract so that people *know* they are seeing the credit sequence and not part of the film. Yours looks, if anything, too much like part of a movie itself. If I saw that at the beginning of a film and then it cut to two women in an office talking about something (i.e. the actual beginning of the film) my first thought would be, "What? What happened to the girl in the closet? Did she just come out of there and into the office?" It would be kind of annoying.
Last, and probably most important to this disussion, is that the biggest job the credit sequence has to do is get the name of your production company out there, big and bold, impossible to miss, and quickly imprint it on the mind of the viewer. If I timed this correctly, your credit sequence is 17 seconds long and the name of your production company is on the screen for approx 1.8 seconds toward the very end. And even then, it's really not the name of your company... it's a website: ClosetFilms.com. And even with that, it's very small and only on a tiny portion of the screen. That doesn't do the job of branding your company name in my mind at all. At a bare minimum, I believe it should have said "Closet Films .... www.closetfilms.com
" That way you put the actual name of the production company *and* the URL of the website in the viewer's mind.
If I watched this roll at the beginning of a film and you came back after the movie ended and asked me who the prodction company was, I seriously doubt I could even come up with a guess.
I know you have obviously put a serious amount of effort into this, and maybe you won't want to hear this or want to change it, but hey... you asked.
If I were consulting you on this, I would advise you to go back to the drawing board and rework it in the following areas:
1. Make it shorter. Try to get it down into the ten second range.
2. Do something to make it a bit more abstract and less "real film" looking.
3. Get the entire production company name up there sooner, leave it on longer, and do it in a way that's still visually appealing and burns into the viewer's mind without creating a negative response.
Please accept my apologies in advance if that came off sounding harsh, but it's one area that I do some work in and I really think that this very excellent technical effort on your part could still stand with some substantial rework to really make it the most it can be and do its job in the most effective way for your future productions.