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Episode II Review for Scope Entertainment

Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 2:48pm

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Neo

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Hey guys,

I'm sure this will stir the pot but what the hell, it's just an opinion (mine). Here is the review I wrote for Scope Entertainment on Episode II. If you haven't seen it, this will spoil the plot so don't read it. If you have, I'd love to hear what you've got to say. Emotional or logical. I won't take any offence, just don't make it personal and I think this could be really fun to discuss as I'm sure we all have different opinions about this movive. Regardless, enjoy!

-Neo biggrin

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones:

I just finished watching Episode II: Attack of The Clones. Prior to watching the movie, I made certain not to read any other comments from other film critics and/or read the abundant "spoilers" available on the Internet, so I consider my opinion to be fairly unbiased. I even kept an open mind despite the hollow feeling in my soul that I felt needed to be filled from the void created by Episode I three years ago. As I waited in line and talked to other fans my age who grew up with the original Trilogy, I started to get excited, and I could feel that "Lucasfilm Magic" brewing in the air. I knew about the full scale Jedi Battle at the end of the movie and the fight between Yoda and Lord Tyranus, and I couldn't wait to see them! However, now that it's all over, I can sum up my feelings about the latest addition to the series with one simple word, "cheated". Read on!

Detailed Plot Summary:

This story is much more complex than the simple "Fly to Tatooine and walk around for 45 minutes" filler that we have become accustomed to. Episode II contains some serious character development. Queen Amidala (played by Natalie Portman) is now an official Senator in the Galactic Republic. Throughout the early stages of the film, various "mysterious" parties attempt to have her assassinated. As a result, the Jedi Council appoints none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and a fairly mature Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), now Obi-Wan's apprentice, to protect her. However, sensing the growing friction between Obi-Wan and Anakin, Jedi Council chiefs Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) and Yoda (Frank Oz) separate the duo. Anakin is assigned the task of remaining in Senator Amidala's presence as her personal bodyguard, while Obi-Wan leaves Coruscant (the "Planet City") to locate a Bounty Hunter who recently tried to kill her. The Bounty Hunter is none other than Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison), the clone father of the young Boba Fett.

The plot continues to thicken as Obi-Wan's pursuit of Jango Fett leads him to a "hidden" watery planet. This is where we get our first glimpse of the "Clone Army". The story suggests that the army was "bought" for the Galactic Republic 10 years before, in secret, by a former member of the Jedi Council. It has since been "forgotten and stored" (the first of several plot conundrums). After a quick battle with the aforementioned Bounty Hunter, Obi-Wan leaves for yet another planet. This is where we finally meet Episode II's answer to Darth Maul: the "geriatric", but lethal Count Dooku. I'm not sure whom this name appeals too exactly, and with the addition of our favourite "Boy Band" the Backstreet Boys in the climactic battle at the films end, I'm beginning to wonder if Lucas' children aren't writing the scripts for these movies. On this new planet, Obi-Wan learns that Count Dooku is harvesting another "Droid Army" for war against the Galactic Republic.

The plot shifts as we rejoin Queen Amidala and Anakin. Not surprisingly, this part of the movie falls into the "Tatooine" trap set by Episode I. The love story is simply not well done and is best described as "awkward" and "boring". There are side stories upon side stories that take characters all over the Galaxy including the inevitable stop on Tatooine to "rescue" Anakin's mother, who dies in his arms after a 10 second screen appearance (no Oscars for Prinilla August I'm afraid). At this point in the film, things look like they are about to heat up when Anakin gives us the first glimpse of some quality “Vader like” rage. He goes on a total rampage, slaughtering the Tusken Raiders (including the women and children) who kidnapped and murdered his mother. Like every action sequence in the movie, the scene is too short and only serves to "cheat" and "stifle" the audience of the emotions that it raises in us all.

Following more twists and turns than Bill Clinton’s Presidency, the film concludes with an epic battle between Count Dooku's Trade Federation Droid Army and the Republic's newly acquired Clone Army, led by none other than Yoda. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin face off against Count Dooku, only to be cut down by his Force Lightning and Lightsaber prowess. Fortunately, Yoda comes to their rescue (and the film's) as we get to watch the 45 greatest seconds ever put to 70 mm stock. Unfortunately, as with every other great moment in this movie (there are a small handful at best), the actual Lightsaber duel (which puts the action sequences in The Matrix to shame) lasts a meager 13 seconds before Count Dooku escapes. A complete an utter rip-off! The film concludes, trying unsuccessfully to rekindle the emotional turmoil and anticipation for the final installment that we all felt at the end of the Empire Strikes Back. It falls utterly short on all fronts and you'll simply say to yourself, like everyone over 9 years of age did in the packed theater I attended, "I paid 13.50 to see that!?". Disappointing indeed.

Acting:

Absent again, is a likeable character group that made the original three films successful. I can’t help but wonder if this series is doomed to pageant the drab individualistic acting that permeates this movie. My biggest problem with the acting deals with the relationship between Amidala and Anakin. This critic may not be "Johnny Casanova", but it is obvious that poor old "Uncle George" hasn't played the field for a while. Anakin and Amidala's romance is not believable in terms of twenty first century relationships. Perhaps that's my problem, not overlooking the "time" issue within the series and faulting it for its failure to portray realistic interactions between characters. One thing is for certain, there is no "chemistry" whatsoever between Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen (or any of the actors for that matter)! Their attempts to "fake" a romance for the camera achieve an authentic "unreal" look. Congratulations kids. Perhaps worse is Christensen's acting (if you can call it that). The greatest villain ever (Darth Vader) is reduced to a sniveling, lovesick puppy around his lover, and a whining brat of a teenager at all other times. Jake Lloyd was unbelievable, so is Christensen, but perhaps this is due to Lucas’ “direction”- I’m not sure, I wasn’t on set. One thing is for certain, it smells like a Bantha fart. This is compounded by Amidala's last minute acknowledgement of her feelings for Anakin before the film’s end- it’s totally out of left field! This must be seen for what it is, a last ditch effort to provide an explanation for the siring of Luke and Leia in the next film.

Worse is the reappearance of Jar Jar Binks. Fortunatly his role is limited and his comedy mild. C3PO and R2D2 provide some comic relief in the script, but you get the feeling that they’re part of the movie simply because Lucas felt he had to put them in; as observed via the delivery of C3PO’s “lines”, which feel completely contrived.

Notwithstanding, Ewan Mc Gregor's reprisal of his role as Obi Wan Kenobi proves once again that his acting talents are worth much more than the price his professionalism carries with it. His character has matured from the headstrong and somewhat reckless Jedi Padawan of Episode I to a full-fledged powerful Jedi Knight. Simply put, he's awesome and totally cool. He's destined for “Action Figure” greatness for years to come. Christopher Lee is truly ferocious as the malevolent Darth Tyranus and carries off the dual role as the manipulative and sinister alter ego Count Dooku with identical perfection. Samuel Jackson brings his usual unmistakable sly coolness to Mace Windu's character. Think of him as “Jules” from Pulp Fiction with a Lightsaber and you'll know what I mean. It's a true shame (once again) that he doesn't play a major role in the film. Frank Oz provides the “voice” for our favourite CGI character, adding some special wit and charm to Yoda's personality that only he can deliver.

Cinematography:

To quote my friend and Director Rick Rose, it would be incorrect to call this film a “story” with special effects; it's more of a “special effects film” with something of a story. As I've already mentioned, there is a lot of jumping around from world to world, which seems to serve no other purpose than to showcase the talents of the ILM Staff and plug the holes into a messy, convoluted tale. The use of their customized CGI dominates every single scene in the film. Don't get me wrong, "watching" the movie is a breathtaking experience and most of the sets real and/or digital are quite fantastic. However, you can easily pick out the "airbrushed" backdrops that inhabit many of the ocean scenes on the “Clone Planet” and the interior rooms on Coruscant. To say that they look terrible against the ILM CGI is an understatement. I cringed in horror at one point watching Anakin ride a mutant "Space-sheep" across a stagnant background, and later, a "Swoop-bike" across a linear CGI background. Flashbacks of Jar Jar Binks diving into the lake near Otoh Gunga during Episode I rang through my mind like gunfire through a Nam Vet's worst nightmares. The horror!

Lets get to the point. We're really here as Star Wars fans for the action sequences. Needless to say, Lucas delivers on every level, when the small handfuls of them occur. The film opens with a rampage through the streets of Coruscant on a Skycar as Anakin and Obi Wan exchange some humorous dialogue. It's reminiscent of the Pod Race scene only a lot faster, but not nearly as cool. The film climaxes with a battle, actually its more of a small war between Jedi Knights (yes....the Backstreet Boys are there), Clone Soldiers and the Battle Droids. You won't be disappointed by this part of the film.

I don't want to spoil too much of a surprise, but since it's already a legend, I'll have to discuss it a bit. The Yoda Lightsaber duel is the greatest scene that has come out of the 5 movies so far. It's funny, intense and brilliant. It begins with Darth Tyranus hurling "Force-lightning" at the miniscule Yoda. You're bracing yourself for the cute little guy to take a beating that would make Mike Tyson spit out Evander Holyfield's missing outer ear, but it doesn't happen. Yoda catches the lightning in an awesome "Force Ball" and hurls it back at Tyranus. From this moment on you'll need to pick your jaw up off the floor and plug your ears as the audience absolutely looses it screaming and cheering for our favourite alien Jedi Master. It's worth the price of a thousand tickets to watch this segment alone. Unfortunately, like everything else that is good in this movie, the scene lasts but a few seconds. You’ll feel totally "cheated" by the whole affair. As this is the final segment of the picture, it’s difficult not to walk away with an overall sensation of disappointment. Likewise, the truly cognitive fan quickly realizes that Yoda could easily do away with Tyranus and dispose of Palpatine in the later episodes of the series. Ooops!

Bottom Line:

Most of Episode II feels like it's simply trying to make up for Episode I while filing in the gaps so we aren't disappointed or completely lost when 2005's Episode III arrives. I'm still not sure how it will be done, even though Episode II lasts an epic 2 1/2 hours. Anakin Skywalker still has to turn into the most evil villain in history and become completely disfigured in a fight with Obi-Wan Kenobi; Queen Amidala must consumate her relationship with Anakin, give birth to Luke and Leia, send each twin to the corners of the galaxy, and have Leia become the Princess of a planet still not introduced in the series; more importantly, Yoda and Obi-Wan have to become complete recluses, forsaking their Jedi training and the Republic. Episode III is either going to be one of the longest, most incredible epic movies of all time or a complete and utter disaster.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is a generally enjoyable experience if you're a small child, teenager or adult new to the series. Yes the script has holes big enough to fly a Death Star through, yes, someone forgot to hit the delete key when they imported Jar Jar Binks back into the plot (he’s “smart” now by the way) and yes, you might fall asleep during some of the slower parts. Nonetheless, the action is incredible when it happens, the storyline is consistent with the series, and the effects are godly.

My final word is this: if you're a Star Wars fan, you will not like this movie. You'll feel completely betrayed by the terrible acting, cheesy dialogue, choppy script, and lack of a likeable character "group". While it's much better than Episode I, it's still got nothing on the original three films. If Star Wars isn't you're thing, and you are looking for a really fun action movie with an excellent story, void of holes, that delivers on every single front (including the CGI and effects) see Spiderman. I give this a B- at best.

- Chris Gorczynski/Neo
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 3:37pm

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TMM

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WHAT! this is madness, the film is th ebest film i have ever seen (even better than lord of the rings), i just love it...
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 3:51pm

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Joshua Davies

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Firstly, NSYNC were not in it. Secondly, I disagree with just about every comment you have made - hehe biggrin

Many of the fight sequences were short but they show what is possible in Ep3. I was impressed with the film in a way I never expected.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 4:26pm

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Simon K Jones

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I would write a huge long post analysing and responding to your huge long review, but I don't really have the time nor the inclination. Suffice it to say that I disagree with every single observation you make. Every single one.

Schwar's already corrected you on the boy band thing - firstly, it was NSYNC that were going to be in it. Secondly, they never were, because schedules clashed. Thirdly, who the hell cares? They were just going to be extras in the background - you'd never ever know. It's irrelevant. But I'll tell you who cares - irritating little fanboys who refuse to accept that George Lucas is making the films that he wants to make, rather than the film that Fanboy 1138EB wants to see.

It's also important to note that the film wasn't shot on 70mm - it was shot of 24p hi-def. Digital video, in other words. Not that it is relevant to the film particularly, but again you should check your facts before writing a review.

I'll just comment specifically on a few comments you make at the end:

"If you're a Star Wars fan, you will not like this movie."

Probably true, from a certain point of view. If you're a Star Wars fanatic, a drooling fanboy, then you won't like it. Because in your head you know exactly, shot-for-shot, what you want it to be. And if it is in anyway different to that vision, then you'll hate it, because Lucas has supposedly raped your childhood, and the films that made you what you are today.

If, however, you are a person who loves the Star Wars films for what they are, rather than from some odd, blinkered, nostalgic warped memories, then you'll quite possibly love it. You might not, but all the ingredients are there that made the original trilogy so memorable.

"Terrible acting"

I've read this in a few places. And I'd love to know your definition of a good performance, because I've seen few better this year.

Hayden Christensen is astoundingly good as Anakin - far better than I had ever hoped for. Ever since my housemate saw him performing on stage in the West End a couple of months back, and reported back saying that he was a superb actor, I had high hopes. But I didn't think he'd be able to grasp the character this securely.

Natalie Portman also does a very good job, lots of subtle work going on. Ewan McGregor is flippin' fantastic as Obi-Wan, vastly improving on his less-than-exciting portrayal in The Phantom Menace.

The supporting cast are all convincing, with standout performances from Sam L Jackson and...um...Yoda. Yoda is quite possibly the most astonishing, awe-inducing thing I've seen in the cinema for three years. And I'm not talking his fight scene - I'm taking his performance. The voice acting, the writing, the animation, the overall rendering. It's an incredible achievement, and the first completely successful CG actor.

"Cheesy dialogue"

So, have you actually watched the original trilogy, Neo?

"Choppy script"

What exactly does that mean? I thought the script was very well-balanced. George Lucas has always been a master storyteller, and Attack of the Clones (and the Star Wars saga overall) is perhaps the best evidence of that. The dense plot and complex developments are handled delicately and naturally.

"lack of a likeable character 'group'"

I thought the character interaction and relationships were fantastic in this movie. Phantom Menace definitely lacked big-time in this area, but Clones has great chemistry going on - not least between Mace Windu and Yoda.

"nothing on the original three films"

Well, it's vastly superior to Return of the Jedi in every way imaginable. But that's not exactly difficult.

It also stands up to A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back remarkably well. It can stand beside them perfectly happily.


Oh, and please mention the 'holes' that you go on about. I'd like to know what they are.

Sorry, that response ended up much larger than I had intended. Good job I didn't respond to the entire review. biggrin

Last edited Fri, 17th May 2002, 5:00pm; edited 3 times in total.

Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 4:34pm

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Joshua Davies

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Harsh but fair Tarn.

I would say that the acting in Ep2 is some of the best that Star Wars has ever seen - probably the best. The dialogue in Star Wars has never been great but Ep2 is again a step forward in this area (but not up to the level of a "real" film razz ).

It is a great film and all the plot leads you on to Ep3 - not in a way that cheats the viewer, but in a way that means you NEED to see more.

I can't wait...

But hey, we are all friends here...

P.S. I'm a Star Wars fan (that is one of the reasons I made AlamDV in the first place) and I like it....a lot.

Last edited Fri, 17th May 2002, 4:59pm; edited 2 times in total.

Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 4:35pm

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TMM

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i must say that i completely agree with tarn on this one. everything he has said here has made so much sense to me, and i have alos been speaking to him on the chat room, and we both seem to agree with everything, that films rocks, the best film i have ever seen
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 5:08pm

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Kid

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I'm sorry but I think you went to see an action movie realised there was a plot and have tried to mentally block it out of your mind!

The story was great each planet change was down to something significant in the plot, they didn't feel written in at all.

R2D2 and C3PO managed to capture exactly how they were in the first 3 films.

The love story was well played out, it was meant to feel akward because they both wanted each other and knew they were not supposed to. Amidala's confession was not out of the blue at all, it was obvious since she had beem implying by her actions that she was interested all along.

Compared to this movie the next one doesnt have much plot left to bring us up to date. Anakin is already well on his way to the dark side, driven by his rage about his mother and how the jedi would not let him go help her sooner. The emperor has control of the galaxy becaues he has control of the republic and already used his clone army to crush the main factions who oppose the republic. Presumably luke will be born near the beginning of the next film and taken care of on tatooine when anakin becomes vader. Remember that we shouldn't see leia being born or being hidden on an out of the way planet (thats why it hasnt been mentioned) so that vader wouldn't suspect she even existed because that is a surprise for us in the later episode.

The actions scenes were short, long drawn out action scenes may look pretty but tend to kill the movement of the film and there's a lot of plot to get through, the pod race for instance started to get a little boring. They are all long enough for you to use your imagination to fill in the blanks. The only one I thought was too short was the jango fett fight on the water planet, it didnt really demonstrate him being menacing enough but it did start the whole why boba hates the jedi so much subplot.

Yoda didn't whip count dooku he only just almost beat him and also is at is prime now and, if you paid any attention you would know, the jedi's power is weakening and the sith's gaining in strength. The emporor is supposed to be more powerful than dooku so how would yoda stand a chance later when he is old and weaker?

I would say its the other way round this is a more intellectually appealing movie than the last, it has many more subtle plotlines (which you seemed to have missed entirely) than the last film and appeals much more to people who read through the lines and see how the emporor is manipulating everyone to boost his power (still). I feel that people who see it for face value and who only want action without plot like children will be more dissapointed with it.

This is a story with action and effects not just an action film with a good plot and much more like the original 3.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 5:10pm

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Simon K Jones

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Oh, yeah, don't get me wrong. I'm a Star Wars fan too.

What I was trying to get at was that there's 2 types of fan.

There's the normal fan, who loves Star Wars etc. He can either just love the films, or he can be a person who buys all the toys and queues outside cinemas for a month before release. Doesn't matter.

But then there's the weird fanboy fan, who seems more interested in some weird perception of Star Wars then Star Wars himself. It is the fanboy who will declare a love of Star Wars, but then go into the cinema anxiously waiting to pick apart the new films. These are the people who have judged the film to be bad before they even see it. The people who watch just a trailer and decide that Hayden Christensen's performance is bad.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 6:12pm

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Idgas

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Well after spending the last ten minutes reading what every one had to say, eek , I think its fair that i have my chance. I think that both NEO ( in some ways) and TARN ( in others ) are both right. As far as the facts of the movie Neo you should do a little more research first, But as far as the personal views, your both right. Everyone that watches the movie, either for the first time ever with no backround knowledge of the original trilogy, or someone who has seen the IV, V, VI episodes over and over, will have there own opinion as to who they think the movie was. I think the movie rocked. I enjoy especially the fact that George Lucas has continued the Star Wars episodes over 20 years after the original was scene. I am not a fanatic fan but i do enjoy the futuristic swashbuckling that STAR WARS is famous for.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 6:18pm

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TMM

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it isn't futuristic - a LONG time AGO, in a galaxy far, far away razz razz razz
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 6:21pm

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Idgas

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dont be so critical razz
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 7:25pm

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implosion

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You're saying "don't be critical" in this thread? razz
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 7:34pm

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Kid

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it can be futuristic and still in the past
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 7:34pm

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Simon K Jones

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implosion: heh. smile

As for the time in which Star Wars is meant to take place....it's an interesting one.

Placing it 'a long time ago' completely alters our perception of it. It immediately stops being a supposed future, presumably that could be extrapolated from now, and is instead free to be whatever it wants. It enables it to have the fantasy elements, takes it that one necessary step further away from reality, without straying entirely outside the realm of the 'real'.

It's a little bit like Lord of the Rings. Whilst it initially seems to be set in a fantasy land that bears no direct relation to our own, there also seem to be hints all over the place that it is supposed to be some kind of history, alternate or lost, of Earth itself - specifically Europe around the Middle-Ages (I could have got that entirely wrong...).

It's one of the reasons I like both these stories so much (and I'm not comparing them here - I think they're vastly different entities, and that it is largely pointless to compare them in anything other than technical/business terms) - the way they operate in a kind of 'heightened reality', rather than in a complete fantasy universe.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 9:47pm

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Neo

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I love this place! he..he..he..... sad biggrin wink crazy

Thanks for the "shelling" guys. Like I said, just my opinion.

It's good to get all rialed up about the films we like (and dislike). More importantly, I really wanted to hear what you guys thought. I knew Schwar liked it from his post on the site (Wed.) but I still here mixed things from others. Tarn, sounds like you really dug it too. I'm still disappointed and I don't consider myself a "fanboy" for the record (no offence taken). I wanted to like this one a lot but I just found myself finding fault with it as I watched. Might have been the company I was in, who knows. Even after reading all your posts and opinions my mind isn't going to be altered until I see it again. I'll give it a week or so before I do that regardless.

Cheers again gents!

-Neo biggrin

Tarn, thanks for the corrections as well. I'll get Cypher to make the edits on the mistakes I made.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 9:51pm

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Joshua Davies

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You are a true gent Neo - as always.

It is good that we all think different things and I like that topics like this get people talking. Maybe we should post more film reviews on AlamDV.com??
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 9:51pm

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averagejoe

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TARN you are my HERO!!!! biggrin

I have still not seen the film... My bro called me frm LA this morning wanting to talk about it. HE RAVED AND RAVED!!!! He did mention however that some dumb arse idiot started screaming at the screen that he was so disappointed and that his "childhood was molested." Along with a long line of "colourful metaphors"... $#!@$# @$#@$!!!! Was that you NEO? wink
GUESS WHAT? I WILL STILL go see IT and and KNOW I will love it twisted

TO chime in with TARN, Lucas's only problem is he waited so long and every fanboy in his parent's basement has storyboards and scripts they wrote for this very time slot in the SW galaxy. GL created the freaking thing. WHO BETTER KNOWS HOW IT SHOULD BE!?!?! THe orginator of the thing or some baldheaded fat fanboy in his moms basement snaping the bean to Carrie Fisher in the slave girl costume?!?!

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE PEOPLE THAT CRITISIZE(sp?) THE FRANCHISE and whine about how GL has lost his touch. YEah he's rich and he sales stuff! WHO CARES!! THIS HELPS HIM MAKE MOVIES THE WAY HE WANTS TO! And if you will OPEN your eyes and just look, the tone of the saga has not changed, some of THE FANS HAVE ! We have grown up and have become accustom to the prevailing style of film. Like always GL is doing his own thing on screen and behind it.

I am sure someone is thinking, "how can he say all this not having seen it yet?" My little brother and I share the same brain when it comes to movies. If he says its GREAT! THEN IT IS!

WOW I got kinda mean crazy

Is it just me or did I get way off topic here? maybe I should delete my post tard

Last edited Fri, 17th May 2002, 10:18pm; edited 1 times in total.

Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 10:02pm

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Simon K Jones

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Hey Neo, the fanboy thing wasn't aimed at you really (or, in fact, many people round here - the alamdv crowd seems to be an unusually savvy and level-headed one) - it was a general comment.

Glad you didn't take offence to my comments, 'cos I wouldn't have blamed you if you had! But when I really love a film, I tend to defend it rather vehemently.

I have no problems with people holding entirely different opinions of a film to me - just so long as their reasons are valid.

So when people use "bad special effects" (which you didn't, as I recall) as a criticism of Star Wars, I just gotta give 'em a slap. smile
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 10:44pm

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Neo

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Sorry I dropped this down I couldn't quote it for some reason.

******
Hey Neo, the fanboy thing wasn't aimed at you really (or, in fact, many people round here - the alamdv crowd seems to be an unusually savvy and level-headed one) - it was a general comment.
******

I know that. I just read the description and wanted to distance myself as far as possible from that image. Ugly indeed. I'm gonna borrow that one to use on people Tarn. Hope you don't mind. I like it! wink

******
Glad you didn't take offence to my comments, 'cos I wouldn't have blamed you if you had! But when I really love a film, I tend to defend it rather vehemently.
******

Of course not. No worries at all. biggrin Not talking face to face makes it sometimes difficult to read through/past the emotion/content of the writing. You should hear the rippings I've engaged in with friends over this one, but like I said, it's easier to "see" than "read". I totally agree with you there. I'd be swinging my own lightsaber if a flick I loved took a slashing.

******
I have no problems with people holding entirely different opinions of a film to me - just so long as their reasons are valid.
******

Game on. This is tough as well when a review (like mine) is opinon based. It's difficult to change someones mind about anything.

******
So when people use "bad special effects" (which you didn't, as I recall) as a criticism of Star Wars, I just gotta give 'em a slap.
******

Oh yeah. You've got to be on crack I think to make that comment. I tried to be careful (to some extent) in my review not to go there. I'm still trying to collect my wits from the Yoda scene. Jesus christ. NOBODY holds a candle to ILM (except maybe the ALAMDV Community Film-makers! wink ).

I really like Schwar's idea about opening a section to talk about "other" (non ALAM) films. It can be fun as long as people keep it cool. Not everyone can be level headed, but such is life. I'm game. I can't remember who said this here before but :

"Just bring it on".

There is nothing like a good logical, friendly arguement over something you really dig. I agree. Most of the community peeps here know enough about films and are respectful of each other not to get out of control; and if we do, it's all good anyway as long as nobody gets too upset.

Thanks for the conversation guys. I gotta hit a bit of a prty with da' boyz! Peace.

-Neo biggrin
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 10:48pm

Post 20 of 68

Neo

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Averagejoe,

I don't think that was me. Nobody got "NAMBLA'ed" at the theater I was in. Not sure what you mean?

-Neo

PS - One more thing. I'm in love with Natalie Portman! redface biggrin he..he....he......Jesus she has matured into a bit of a hottie!!!!!
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 10:49pm

Post 21 of 68

Joshua Davies

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Hey, if you want an arguement about a film then try this on for size.

I THINK BLADE2 SUCKS!

Me and Tarn have already have this fight but I'd like to put it out there, just for fun. I won't be here for a couple of days so I'll see what kind of mayhem I've started when I get back.

Yeah, and while I'm at it, Natalie Portman is UGLY (now I really am being crazy crazy ). I am only joking guys. It really is cool to talk to like minded people all over the world even if we disagree on some things smile

If anyone really does think Natalie Portman is ugly then I will ban them from AlamDV.com personally for being crazy lol .
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 11:24pm

Post 22 of 68

averagejoe

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Neo I was only poking fun... I was not implying that you were a fanboy who-lay-gune biggrin

After rereading my post it really has no place here. You asked for our thoughts and I just went loco rolleyes Sorry for the rant.... I think I am just ragging becuase I have not seen it yet redface

At 1st I was all half asking myself "I can wait until next week..." Now I am pounding my head against my monitor jones'in for a SW fix crazy

"That 'ull lurn me", My fanboy zealot side is raging to get out eek I guess when EPIII comes round I need to repent wink
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 11:47pm

Post 23 of 68

jarar1

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I too must say I feel like I'm between Neo and Tarn (representing nearly polar opposites) with my view.

I'm of the school of thought that the regular rules for films don't nessasarily apply to a Star Wars movie, but nor should Lucas be exhempt from critisism just because he's making them "his way".

The dialog, pretty bad, but not horrible. On par with Ep. 1, but behind the originals (sure, they had cheesy dialog too, but at least there were a few good lines thrown in). The acting, I'd have to go with uneven. I enjoyed McGregor and Christensen, but thought Portman was dull.

I thought the action sequences were incredible. But from just after the Courscant chase, up till the Jango / Obi-Wan fight, the movie really started to drag. I could have lived without the entire Naboo interlude myself. And exactly what purpose did the younglings scene srever? "Master, there's a planet missing. Gravity points to this spot. What ever should I do?" "Hmm, looks like gravity points to this spot, maybe you should look there."

There most certainly were plot holes. Some of my favorites: (SPOILERS INCLUDED...I suppose) Who was Jedi Master Dias (or whatever?) who commisioned the clones. Sure, I assumed they meant Doodu, but it was never clarified. And Mace and Yoda were visibly disturbed when Obi-Wan asked about him.

Or if C-3PO has been working on the Lars Homestead for a few years, you'd think Uncle Own might recognize him later. Sure, he's a different color, but it's the same name....and that voice. Artoo's rockets fall under the same catagory.

If the Clones were commisioned by Dooku, either as the seperatist leader, or as Dath Tyranus, that means either way they were created to be used against the republic. Yet no one, not the Senate or the Senators like Bail Organa so opposed to an army, nor the Jedi, bats an eye when they just suddenly show up. There was all this debate about the mere idea of even forming an army, but no one gets suspiciouse when one shows up fully formed.

I really did enjoy the movie, and have seen it twice so far. In the grant chart of Star Wars, I'd have to place it about even to ROTJ, though I'd like to put a little time between me and the anticipation factor before I really can rank it properly.
Posted: Fri, 17th May 2002, 11:52pm

Post 24 of 68

Idgas

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You guys are all certifiably nuts. lol confused
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 12:02am

Post 25 of 68

Neo

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he...he.he......fully- but life is more entertaining like this! wink

-Neo

Joe- Wasn't sure. Like the Tard I am I went scouring my posts looking for some arcane reference to Buggery etc. Disappointed, I found nothing. he..he..... wink I'll try harder next time. I still want a date with Natalie Portman; and while I agree that she may be "dry" in the movie, I'm sure I can help her out in that department! wink
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 12:19am

Post 26 of 68

Neo

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ahhhhh.......Blade II.....it wasn't so good. I agree there. I liked it more than Blade I but I can't really expand beyond that (not out of fear for my life! wink ) but it was just "eye candy". A fun no-brainer, but nothing else. Welsey Snipes was cool as usual, but I couldn't handle what's his name, Kristopherson (spelling). He was better dead. I saw it back to back with Resident Evil. I liked that (and Milla J.) much more! eek

I'll get your back Schwar and say it sucked, but there really isn't much else to compare it too genre wise........it stands on its own. Kinda like my turds after a night of Chicken Whoppers and Becks! lol

Have you seen "Dog Soldiers"? I'm disappointed we didn't get that release here in Canada. I tried to check it out while I was in the UK last week but I never got a chance (lost my mind at the "Minories" Pub in London following Man U.'s trouncing by Arsenal).

-Neo
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 1:15am

Post 27 of 68

Simon K Jones

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First off - Neo, if you get the chance to see Dog Soldiers, take it. It's a fantastic film. Doesn't really do anything terribly new as such, but what it does do it does DAMNED well. I was touting Blade 2 as the most fun kick ass movie I'd seen this year - then I saw Dog Soldiers, and pretty much completely forgot about Blade 2.

jarar1 - I'll use some of my own speculation/readings of the film to try and fill your plot holes.

First off, the younglings scene - I thought it was very important. It showed how the Jedi are so traditionalist and comfortable in their position, that the thought that somebody had erased something from the archives hadn't even crossed Obi-Wan's mind. It wasn't even a possibility to him. If you watch closely, you'll see Obi-Wan laughs at the kid's suggestion in a kind of "ah, kids, aren't they funny?" kinda way. Except the kid was right. Only one of the kids, who hasn't been stuck in the traditionalist rut of adulthood, could see what had happened. This wasn't a small issue - something being deleted from the archives was a big thing, as could be seen by Yoda's worry.

As for the mystery surrounding who ordered the clones.....that's more of an unresolved plot point than a plot hole. I did figure that it was Dooku who ordered them, 10 years ago. Mace and Yoda were disturbed, because Master Cameron Diaz or whatever his name was had died more than 10 years previously. As the clones were created for the Republic, I guess nobody suspected that Dooku was behind it.

Not recognising C-3PO is normal. He looks different, sure, but it's also 40 years later. Would you recognise a vacuum cleaner you used 40 years ago? Threepio is just a droid, a worker - to the Lars he isn't important, he's just another droid. They have no *reason* to remember him particularly. What's more curious is why Threepio doesn't recognise Tatooine or the homestead. I'm expecting him to have a memory wipe of some kind in ep3...

The clones weren't created to be used against the Republic. They were created for the Republic. No question of that. It's all part of Sidious' plan - 10 years ago he starts creation of a clone army, supposedly ordered by Diaz, probably in fact ordered by Dooku. 10 years later, Dooku gets the separatist alliance and builds another army. The separatists think that Dooku is on their side. In fact, Dooku is just using them to create a justifiable reason for the senate to give Palpatine martial law. At this point Palpatine would bring in his clone army, and use it to defeat the separatists. The result is that Palpatine now his totalitarian control of the Republic, a huge army under his command, and all the other potentially troublesome armies have been wiped out - and nobody is even aware that he's done it.

As for people not questioning where the army came from - at the time, nobody really cared. All they knew is that they somehow had an army in the nick of time. But look at Bail Organa on the balcony at the end, overlooking the assembled army. He sure isn't happy.
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 3:23am

Post 28 of 68

Cypher

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before i start my long analysis on Ep 2, i want to say this:

did anyone notice that "Jabba the Hutt" was not even mentioned ONCE?


in the other 4 he was.

i just came back from work (and i saw the yoda scene 4 times biggrin ), and that came up.

well, im gonna start thinking about what i saw again today. (this time i REALLY looked carefully at everything)
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 4:32am

Post 29 of 68

sidewinder

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What I'm about to discuss here contains SPOILERS. Do not read this if you haven't seen Ep. II...




















I thought everything was great, except for some of the dialogue in the love scenes, that REALLY crappy composite of anakin riding on the back of that bloated cow thing, and the fact that this movie didn't really have a plot...for a stand-alone film.


If someone were to watch this before seeing any other film, they'd be totally lost. I mean, there really isn't a beginning-middle-end to Ep. II. The only way I could tell the end of the movie was coming around is when it dawned on me that no one was going to show such a huge battle in the middle of the movie. This was more of a film that patched up holes from the first episode, and then created ones for the third.

Also, one of the coolest things about this movie (and this ties into the plot) were all the references from the originals. These basically make up the plot of Ep. II. Take an unsolved thing from the original trilogy (bobba fett, storm troopers, Luke's aunt and uncle, DEATH STAR cool ) and explain it in Ep. II

It works fine if you've watched all the others first, but if you were to watch all the films in order, and it was your first time seeing star wars, something would kinda be lost.

But what I'd really like to know is what references to the original trilogy did you guys cath?

I noticed the Star Destroyer transports, which was one of the coolest things in the world (besides the Yoda fight), as well as the plans for the original death star.

I also realized that I finally knew what Bobba Fett's face looked like, since we saw his dad, and Bobba is a clone of his dad.

Another really freakin' cool thing was the origin of Luke's aunt and uncle. It was really neat seeing that old house again, especially since I saw a presentation by a guy who went and found all the original filming sites, including Luke's house (which is now a hotel).


But I do feel cheated that the Yoda fight was so short. I guess I'll just have to watch that scene repeatedly on DVD. wink
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 4:40am

Post 30 of 68

Cypher

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and like someone else said, whats with that whole C3P0 thing? Doesn't Owen notice?


see, this is the problem with prequels with a huge gap such as this in between.
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 6:26am

Post 31 of 68

Radar

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I'm not going into a detailed post of how I felt about everything, but overall I really enjoyed the movie. I was expecting a lot and my expectations were met. After reading several reviews it seems that people tend to pick this movie apart, just because it's Star Wars. Just sit back and enjoy the movie and stop trying to find fault in every little detail and you might actually like it. I know I did.
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 12:36pm

Post 32 of 68

TMM

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i must say that i like a wide range fo films, but my opinions seem to be the same as both TARN and SCHWAR, from talking to them on chat (and the fact schwar is my step-bro crazy) i liek everything they like, and more...

Back to dog soldiers - that film rocked, has some great one liners "there is no spoon" wink

Blade 2 - i am merely 15 cry and cannot see it (it is an 1cool, until maybe schwar gets it on dvd or summit wink

star wars 2 - after thinking about it a lot more, i have decided that it is equal to lord of the rings (when i saw episode 2, i thought it was better than lotr) and i eagerly anticipate both sequals.

I also can't wait for spiderman to hit the cinemas over here, i have always been in love with marvel comics, and cartoon series and spiderman was one of my faves...

more films i want to hurry up and see - x-men 2, hulk, men in black 2, panic room, of course episode 3, and lotr: the two towers...

i am sure that list used to be longer, i have forgotten half the films that i wanna see crazy
Posted: Sat, 18th May 2002, 7:19pm

Post 33 of 68

Neo

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I hear it. Dog Soldiers keeps getting wicked reviews. Making it much worse that I can't see it. I'm not sure who decides (at the Canadian CRTC) to screen movies and bring them to this country, but I'd love to get my hands on them. I don't even remember Sexy Beast making it to the theatres here- just a Review Cinema or two.

This is not fair! cry

I saw Episode II again this afternoon (couldn't resist even though I promised myself to wait a week). I kept my eyes peeled for the new stuff and the things I missed/mucked up on in my review.............well..........my opinion of the film isn't quite as tainted as it was a few days ago; but I still feel let down (not as much).

Reading Tarn's last post, I'm not as upset about the story as before. Some of the stuff makes more sense, but I still feel things were "rushed" in the movie (ie. show it so nobody asks why? what? in Episode III). Even though Tarn will probably want my head for this, I'm no fan of Hayden Christensen. I've got to fault the Directing still. He's really good in some scenes, but the "teenager" image kills a lot of it, and Christ, the dialogue is just brutal. I'm trying to remember the line that made me laugh again, I know the scene well, when they're about to get gobbled by they Kryat Dragon and the "Crab thing" at the end, Anakin says something about the "Planets aligning and love". uuugghhhhhhhh......not fitting for someone whose Body Count is going to exceed Robocops. evil

Regardless, I still think it's much better than Episode I, and I need it on DVD sooooooooo bad just to watch the Yoda scene again. Totally cool.

I'll happily recant the beating I gave it earlier; but now that I've seen it twice, I say two strikes for Lucas on his choice of Vaders so far. How does the saying go.........third times a charm. I hope so.

-Neo
Posted: Tue, 21st May 2002, 11:14pm

Post 34 of 68

averagejoe

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Ok, I have seen it and my opinion still stands I loved it! Plot hole Smot holes!!! I looked and looked for this but could not find any glaring ones.
Unresolved? Yes. Holes? No! I am still quite puzzled by this, maybe the plot was a bit too dynamic to be brought forth whilst all the eye candy drawing your attention away. I think it really did portray the perilous events that sent the Galaxy into turmoil. In fact at some point I was down right shocked! I was not expecting a certain person to get DISARMED!!! Not now anyway neutral

As far as acting:
Hayden, in my opinion did a great job. He really portrayed the internal conflict Anakin was having. His ultimate power, inexperience and lack of control that will evetually cost him everything he holds close.

Natilie: Padme's (character) really started to grow a little here, but becuase of her service in public office she has lost the ability to really express her feelings. Personally I think this is why the awkwardness people describe comes out. She is trained to be resrved and not emotional... Or maybe I read too much into this. Best of all, whilst Anakin is supposed to be "protecting" her she seems to take care of herself very well. At moments I could see where Leia gets her BAlls from lol

Everyone else did great, no need to comment or defend their performences.

I have heard complaints about the Clone army and the Droid bit... Sheesh!!

I am with Tarn on both counts. IN the SW universe Droids really are applicances no one really pays much attention to them. If you notice in the Hive were the Droid army is being built the Geonosians just by pass 3PO and R2 with out giving a second glance.

The Clones oh, the CLONES! This was such an intriguing plot point. The army was commissioned sometime around the Battle of Naboo, by a Jedi Master who had been dead long before that... This is the biggest brain screw of all! Did Palpatine foresee obiwan finding it or by dumb luck did this just better facilitate his plan quicker? There is no way to know really... Was the Jedi master impersonated or was the Jedi master, they all say is dead,not really dead? Chew on that !!! This is really really interesting. Is Palpatine really strong enough to forsee and/or manipulate things to this extent. Either way Palpatine had a hand in it and was going to make things happen so this would be the magic bullet to hold the Republic together.

I could go on for paragraphs on the politcal dynamic of this alone. Put blountly PALP has everyone fooled, the only "BAD GUY" they see is the Count. He is the perfect villian: Darth Tyranus, ex-jedi, Yoda's Padawan, leader of the Confederacy, and Palps patsy. IF the whole thing goes poop it is all on him and Palp (Darth Sidious) is home free. IMPRESSIVE, MOST IMPRESSIVE! The truth of the matter this tactic works and it works even in our own Galaxy...

Were tarn and I the only ones that saw Bail Organa at the end showing his disgust? That single scene may be the begining embers of the rebellion... Or at least it has entered Bail's mind that this is not the answer.

Lastly this is episode II, part of a serial it is not meant to be stand alone...

crazy

Last edited Wed, 22nd May 2002, 12:30am; edited 4 times in total.

Posted: Wed, 22nd May 2002, 12:01am

Post 35 of 68

Neo

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Banzai!

What an epic! Nice work Joe.
Mines on the way.
Glad to hear you liked it.
Third time was a charm. I enjoyed it much more.

Stay tuned.......

-Neo
Posted: Wed, 22nd May 2002, 12:05am

Post 36 of 68

Cypher

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i saw it twice, and didn't enjoy it as much confused
Posted: Wed, 22nd May 2002, 12:29am

Post 37 of 68

averagejoe

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Hey Neo, I added a bit.... crazy
Posted: Wed, 22nd May 2002, 1:28am

Post 38 of 68

Neo

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Yeah. I see. Cool. I didn't find the dubious plot holes bothered me as much the third time. I still had a lot of trouble around the Anakin/Amidala thing (that's just me personally), but I found getting to see Obi-Wan in action was worth it.

Godamn! Ewen is too cool! He's got that role down so well. here's to hoping he lives long enough to make the third one! biggrin

-Neo
Posted: Wed, 22nd May 2002, 1:29am

Post 39 of 68

Cypher

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lol, i just noticed that it seems me an neo are in sort of a post race.

as of this post, our posts are exactly the same, 245


hehe, odd
Posted: Wed, 22nd May 2002, 3:15pm

Post 40 of 68

Neo

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Yeah. I noticed that too!! he...he..he....I want that Red Saber dammit!!!! wink

-Neo
Posted: Thu, 23rd May 2002, 5:33pm

Post 41 of 68

arniie

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Episode II rocks.

Yoda shows why he is a legend

i hate jar jar, HOWEVER he is the 2nd most loved character by under 12's in all of star wars films.

3PO waz hated loads when the original star wars came out - now he has cult status.....almost!!!

Didn't like anakins fake hand though.
Posted: Fri, 24th May 2002, 11:43pm

Post 42 of 68

Neo

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Was 3P0 that hated? I don't remember hating him, but that was 20 years ago for me. Hard to say. I think the only "cult" status Jar Jar will obtain is through ritual sacrifice if we're lucky.

-Neo
Posted: Mon, 1st Jul 2002, 1:28am

Post 43 of 68

Cypher

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heh. i tried watchin ep2 for the 3rd time. i had enough after the speeder chase in coroscuant. i left, and went to watch the screening of minority report instead smile
Posted: Mon, 1st Jul 2002, 1:30am

Post 44 of 68

Cypher

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okay. just something you people who LOVED IT SOOOOOO MUCH may want to read, because some parts of this are too true.

i hope you have a laugh:

STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE CLONES: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

The Editing Room

-----------------

FADE IN:

EXT. A VERY FOGGY CORUSCANT

A glimmering ship cuts through the fog, eventually
landing, followed closely by two smaller Nubian
transports.

DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS
Look! We figured out how to do fog!

JAY LAGA'AIA emerges from one of the smaller ships, as
does THE REAL SENATOR NATALIE PORTMAN

JAY LAGA'AIA
Looks like there was no danger at
all. I suppose your decoy can get
off the ship now.

DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS (CONT'D)
Decoy? Was I planning on still
screwing around with that horrible
bullshit?

Suddenly, the ship explodes, killing crew members and
NATALIE'S DECOY! Every single element of all shots now
appear to be computer-generated.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Decoy! No!

NATALIE'S DECOY
I'm sorry, I've failed you.

NATALIE PORTMAN
How? You were my decoy. This was
your job - in fact, this was your
ONLY job. Frankly, I'm not sure
why I'm so upset, why else did I
think I was hiring you?

NATALIE'S DECOY
(dies)

NATALIE PORTMAN
Wait, since you're my decoy,
shouldn't you at least look like
me? And not be Mexican?

JAY LAGA'AIA
We have to go to another obviously
computer-generated location and
interact with computer-generated
characters. Hurry, before the movie
gets boring.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Look, I really appreciate your
concern, but this is the second
movie where you've been up my butt.

JAY LAGA'AIA
No no, that was the other black
security guy. I have an eye patch.
See?

NATALIE PORTMAN
So, what, do I find all of the
black people in the galaxy and make
them my security guards?

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

NATALIE PORTMAN enters a room full of JEDI COUNCIL
MEMBERS and the aging SENATOR IAN MCDIARMID.

IAN MCDIARMID
Natalie! You look.. Exactly the
same. Why am I the only one who
actually aged ten years?

NATALIE looks in the vicinity of the floor, where FRANK
OZ sits with a green mask on in front of a giant blue
set.

YODA
Heard about the explosion, I did.
Seeing you again brings warmness to
my heart. Wait, that's not my
heart.

IAN MCDIARMID
I'm bringing in Ewan McGregor and
Hayden Christensen to keep an eye
on you.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Why them?

IAN MCDIARMID
Because it's part of my evil
scheme. Uh, somehow. Look, do you
want to pork the little kid from
Tatooine or not?

JAR JAR
When they arrive, I'll be sure to
announce it twice for no reason.

AUDIENCE
GOD DAMN IT! FUCK YOU! WHY ARE YOU
STILL FUCKING HERE?! Jesus Christ
on a crapstick!

EXT. CORUSCANT

LEANNA WALSMAN and TEMUERA MORRISON meet inconspicuously.

TEMUERA MORRISON
Here. I got these assassin bugs
for you to use.

LEANNA WALSMAN
Thanks for the bugs. It's a good
thing you, a bounty hunter, hired
me, a bounty hunter, to do
absolutely nothing other than put
this tube into a flying droid which
you could just as easily possess.
It gives me some real purpose.

TEMUERA MORRISON
Meh. You make another action
figure. With quick-change face
shift action!

INT. CORUSCANT BEDROOM

NATALIE sleeps, R2D2 guarding over her. EWAN and HAYDEN
are in the adjacent room.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Just being around her again is
intoxicating. I haven't seen her
since the last movie.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Wait a minute... Coruscant appears
to be the home base to both the
Senate and the Jedi.. And you
haven't even run into each other in
ten years?

Hayden has his eyes closed and and a shit-eating grin on
his face.

EWAN MCGREGOR (CONT'D)
What are you doing?

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
She made me turn the cameras off.
Luckily for me, her thoughts betray
her - she's having one of those
nightmares where she shows up to
the senate naked. Mmmm.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Hayden, pay attention. Be mindful
of the force and do what I tell
you. I had almost completed my own
Padawan training when I took you as
my apprentice, so I have ever so
slightly more training than you.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Nuh uh.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Yuh huh! And I do a great impression
of Alec Guinness, too!

AUDIENCE
Wow.. So.. Uh.. apprently Jedi
bicker incessantly.

NATALIE PORTMAN (O.S.)
Icky! Bugs!

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN runs in, hops on the bed, and
kills the bugs.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I knew I'd be on top of you in bed
someday.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Bah. Ten years of Jedi training and
the coolest thing you've done is be
a badass exterminator.

YODA
Set the story into motion we must.
Ewan, get to the bottom of this.
Talk to a distractingly CGI
character in a diner.

EWAN MCGREGOR
A diner? Doesn't a diner severely
ruin a sense of the distant fantasy
Star Wars holds?

YODA
Ahem. Midichlorians.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Diner. Right. I'm on my way.

YODA
Hayden, you will take Natalie back
to Naboo. She'll be safer with an
unpredictable, dangerous apprentice
who shouldn't have been trained
than she would be on a planet
populated largely by Jedi.

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Don't use registered transports,
either.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I was thinking she could ride my--

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Just go.

INT. CORUSCANT BEDROOM

HAYDEN is whining to NATALIE as she packs.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
..and, and he always yells at me in
front of my friends, and he won't
let me watch TV past 10, and he
tells the CORNIEST jokes when we're
out in public..

NATALIE PORTMAN
Jesus, is this your way of
impressing me?

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
(leering at her)
No, my boyish magazine-cover-model
eyes are.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Don't look at me like that.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Why not?

NATALIE PORTMAN
Because it could get you arrested
anywhere else, you fucking creep.

They get into a blue screen, which later becomes a SHIP.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I'm scared, Hayden. I'm scared
that I'll be known only for Star
Wars because obsessive geeks can't
seem to separate me from my
characters.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I'm scared too. Hey, but we have
R2 with us!

NATALIE PORTMAN
Ha ha! Wait, why? Doesn't he fix
ships? Why is he even here?

EXT. RAIN PLANET

DIRECTOR GEORGE LURCAS
Look! We got rain right too!

EWAN MCGREGOR slowly uncovers the extremely simplistic
mystery. He meets TEMUERA MORRISON

EWAN MCGREGOR
Hi there.

TEMUERA MORRISON
I'm just a simple man trying to
make his way in the universe.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Er, um, that's great. So who are
you?

TEMUERA MORRISON
My clone son is Boba Fett. He was
a small role in the original
trilogy and ravenous Star Wars
fanboys elevated his importance
based merely on his cool
appearance. George Lucas, utterly
sacrificing whatever vision he
claims to have for the series, has
made his role much more important
by coincidently making his father
responsible for the clone wars.
But you can take a flying leap up
my ass, Jedi scum.

They FIGHT.

TEMUERA MORRISON (CONT'D)
Isn't it cool how badass I look?

EWAN MCGREGOR
Actually, you seem somewhat inept
in this fight. I'm outsmarting you
and kicking your ass repeatedly.

TEMUERA MORRISON
Hey, I said I look cool, I didn't
say I was good at fighting. I'm
modeled after the original Boba
Fett; he gets killed by a blind guy
accidentally.

TEMUERA MORRISON escapes, sans much of his armor and
weaponry.

EXT. ENORMOUS, OPEN FIELD

Romantic music swells in the background as HAYDEN and
NATALIE sit in the grass, talking.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
It's hard being a Jedi. I like the
part where I kill stuff and kick
ass, but the stuff about not bumping
uglies with you totally sucks.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I thought love was forbidden for a
Jedi.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Whoa whoa whoa. Let's not go
throwing the L-word around so
suddenly, I just want to fuck. Now
why don't you get naked and stop
being a senator.

NATALIE PORTMAN
You really hate politicians, don't
you?

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I don't think the system works. We
need someone telling everyone else
how to think.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Sounds an awful lot like the
original trilogy to me.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
It's better than the system you've
devoted your life and childhood to,
you pathetic waste of flesh.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I think I'm falling in love with
you. You know how to sweet talk a
lady.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Guh, you're soft. Can I touch you?

NATALIE PORTMAN
Let's wrestle in an uncomfortably
erotic manner.

They run through the open field, playing with animals
and giggling like children. NATALIE'S sundress flows
behind her majestically.

AUDIENCE
(staring at tickets)
Star. Wars. Attack. Clones.
(looking back at the
screen)
Did we walk into the wrong theater?

NATALIE PORTMAN
I won't let genital herpes get in
the way of MY youthful frolicking!

INT. SECRET EVIL BASE

EWAN MCGREGOR uncovers a secret meeting between
CHRISTOPHER LEE and a bunch of FUCKING CARTOONS.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Soon, every powerful group in the
galaxy will join my cause. Then,
we will take over! Uh, I mean,
separate from the republic.

EVIL ALIEN
I'm back, but my obviorsry Asian
accent has been toned down a bit.
I agree with you, Christopher Ree!
Now, ret's kill Natalie Portman,
because I apparentry have gone from
being corrupt and stupid to being
insanery sadistic and stupid in the
rast ten years.

Various PATHETICALLY FAKE LOOKING CHARACTERS respond in
agreement to CHRISTOPHER LEE.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Jeepers, R4! I better get a
message back to the gang!

INT. DARK ROOM WITH A FIREPLACE

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I love you, Natalie. Why can't we
be together?

NATALIE PORTMAN
Um, because my name would be Padme
Naberrie Amidala Skywalker.
I may have put Jar Jar in charge in
my absence, but I'm not a complete
moron. Besides, I'm kinda worried
Lucas is going to tell us we're
brother and sister. We must not
fall in love. Excuse me while I
change into something that reveals
more cleavage.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I wish I could just wish away my
feelings by wishing a wish with
which one wishes!

NATALIE PORTMAN
Wow. And George had help with the
script, too.

HAYDEN finds out that his mother was killed by TUSKEN
RAIDERS, so he slaughters every single last one of them.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I killed them all, Natalie. Women
and children, too.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I see. I'm definitely in love with
you now. Let's go rescue Ewan
McGregor, who has been abducted on
Genosis. But first, let me change
into yet another god damned outfit
and spawn yet another god damned
action figure.

INT. GENOSIS

EWAN MCGREGOR
You'll never get away with this,
Christopher Lee.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
That's, what, the three thousandth
time I've heard that line in my
career? Join me, Ewan.

EWAN MCGREGOR
In what?

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Uh, my, um.. I dunno. Whatever
dude, it doesn't matter, we're all
Ian McDiarmid's pawns anyway.
You're fucked, enjoy being
spidercrab food.

He leaves. NATALIE and HAYDEN arrive to rescue him.
First, there is a short MEGA MAN GAME.

EXT. ENORMOUS FIGHTING ARENA

NATALIE, HAYDEN, and EWAN are chained to giant posts.
Three monsters emerge, ready to kill them.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Oh, look, I got a big kitty. Looks
like I'll be fine, how are you guys
doing?

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I sure am glad I'm wearing black
robes right now.

Everyone fights their designated monster. NATALIE'S
KITTY rips the midriff of her shirt off perfectly,
exposing her well-toned tummy.

NATALIE PORTMAN
That was subtle.

As they fight, SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON comes in
and puts a lightsaber to TEMUERA'S neck. He glares at
CHRISTOPHER LEE.

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Normally, both of you would be dead
as fucking fried chicken by now,
but since I'm in a transitional
period, I don't want to kill either
one of your asses.

Numerous JEDI appear. There is a shaky battle with an
impossible-to-follow amount of stuff going on.
Eventually, there is a break.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Surrender.

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Nope.

The battle resumes exactly where it left off. Suddenly,
YODA arrives with CLONE TROOPERS. The CLONES rip the
place up.

AUDIENCE
Holy shit, they can actually aim!

CHRISTOPHER LEE escapes on a small speeder. He looks
COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. EWAN, NATALIE, and HAYDEN chase
after him.

INT. BAY

CHRISTOPHER prepares to leave, but CERTAINLY NOT TO
VISIT IAN MCDIARMID. CHRISTOPHER LEE shoots lightning at
EWAN, who absorbs it into his lightsaber.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
You can absorb force lightning?

EWAN MCGREGOR
Oh, yeah, of course. I really
ought to tell Luke that at some
point, shouldn't I? I bet that
would be helpful.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
God. Whatever.

He beats down HAYDEN and EWAN after a surprisingly tame
lightsaber duel. YODA walks in. They levitate stuff
and use lightning.

CHRISTOPHER LEE (CONT'D)
It's obvious this contest cannot be
decided by our knowledge of the
force, but by our ability to spit
out our own horrible lines.

YODA
Yoda I am. Look badass while
acting goofy I can.

They FIGHT.

AUDIENCE
YODA IS FIGHTING! THIS IS AWESOME!
(pause)
Wait, this looks fucking stupid.
Why am I tolerating this assault on
my childhood?

CHRISTOPHER LEE
It's obvious this contest cannot be
decided by our skills with a
lightsaber either, but rather by..
Um.. how many character names you
have. Let's see, I have two or
three.

YODA
I only have one. Go you may.

CHRISTOPHER LEE escapes. EWAN rises.

EWAN MCGREGOR
I had this horrible dream. I was
an actor, and my job consisted of
prancing about on blue sets and
talking to sticks with pictures of
faces taped to them. It was
horrible. Who would do such a
thing to the world of cinema?

YODA
It's all over now. Back in three
dimensional, somewhat textured
world you are.

NATALIE runs in.

NATALIE PORTMAN
Hayden! I'm completely in love
with you, despite never being given
a single god damned reason for it
to be so. Let's get married!

IAN MCDIARMID
Yes, yes! Get married! Have
children who will one day turn my
Sith apprentice against me and lead
to my demise! Everything is going
according to my design!

DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS
Stay tuned for the next installment:
It Came From the Dark Side!

END
Admin
Posted: Mon, 1st Jul 2002, 10:41pm

Post 45 of 68

Neo

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he...he..he......Minority Report was good until it went Hollywood at the end. Why can't Speilberg and Lucas write scripts under 2 hours?

-Neo
Posted: Mon, 1st Jul 2002, 10:43pm

Post 46 of 68

Cypher

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I loved it throughout.

NEO! where have you been? and what happened wit the "cleaning"?
Posted: Mon, 1st Jul 2002, 11:45pm

Post 47 of 68

Neo

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Been super busy with work (finishing) and a "project". Cleaner went down the toilet (for now) and I can't believe you didn't think it corndogged out at the end!!!!????

If they'd left it after he capped that guy it would have been a total head trip. There was no need to add the silly conspiracy thing at the end. I hate Hollywood.

-Neo twisted
Posted: Mon, 1st Jul 2002, 11:52pm

Post 48 of 68

Cypher

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"...I can't believe you didn't think it corndogged out at the end!!!!???? "

you lost me.
Posted: Wed, 3rd Jul 2002, 3:04pm

Post 49 of 68

Neo

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The whole conspiracy thing with Brewmeister Smith. Unecessary. If they'd ended the movie with Cruise's character and "Agatha" in the room after that guy falls out the window it would have been a total mind job. The old "can't mess with destiny" business. Instead, they weave an elaborate (well, not really) scheme where he's been "set up" to appease the masses.

I just thought that was weak. These big budget Directors are afraid of making a film rather than a Hollywood Blockbuster.

-Neo
Posted: Tue, 11th Mar 2003, 3:10pm

Post 50 of 68

Oli-Wan

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Attack of the Clones it´s fantastic! And Episode III will be better razz
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 4:22pm

Post 51 of 68

aaron 99

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i'm going to cry when the episode 3 credits role up b/c it will be back to the EU for ever! unsure unsure sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad

sad cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 4:27pm

Post 52 of 68

Sollthar

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And I'm not planning to see Ep3, cause I don't want to pay for such stupid and insulting rubbish as Ep2 ever again in my life... wink


i was a star wars fan once, but now I just cry by the sound of "star wars". sad
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 4:32pm

Post 53 of 68

aaron 99

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get away from me!
you should be banished from this site!



jk


ps: but you are wrong! evil
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 4:33pm

Post 54 of 68

aaron 99

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get away from me!
you should be banished from this site!



jk


ps: but you are wrong! evil
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 4:34pm

Post 55 of 68

aaron 99

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oops posted that twice redface
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 4:43pm

Post 56 of 68

Sollthar

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Sorry, but Episode 2 got a place on my "worst films ever" list, and that list is very short.
Posted: Sun, 6th Apr 2003, 6:27pm

Post 57 of 68

Mellifluous

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I agree, Sollthar. Ep. 2 was pretty bad. The story was confusing, I didn't know whose side the clones were supposed to be on, & the crude attempt at romance was soooo embarrassing.

I think I liked Ep 1 better

Mel wink
Posted: Mon, 7th Apr 2003, 7:32am

Post 58 of 68

Kid

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The story is supposed to be confusing, thats the way of the dark side isn't it. If you didn't already know Senator Palpatine was the Emporor you wouldn't know he was a bad guy yet.
Posted: Mon, 7th Apr 2003, 11:40am

Post 59 of 68

Mellifluous

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It wasn't that. Boba Fett was trying to kill Amidala, so he was a bad guy. And there was the clone army. And then there was Count Drooku, who was also a bad guy. There was mystery about who commissioned the clone army, but of course it was Palpatine aka the Emperor. And he had links to Count Drooku & Boba Fett.

Which all made me think the clones were gonna be bad guys, helping Palpatine establish himself as Emperor. Also, I thought the Clone Wars were something on far greater scale. The battle wasn't any bigger than the one on Hoth, or the one in Ep 1.

Maybe they turn out to be the baddies in Ep 3, we will see...

Bah, too many mysteries. Lucas usually tackles them one by one, revealing one answer then the next.

Mel wink
Posted: Tue, 8th Apr 2003, 6:32pm

Post 60 of 68

Fight

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Tarn wrote:





"If you're a Star Wars fan, you will not like this movie."

Probably true, from a certain point of view. If you're a Star Wars fanatic, a drooling fanboy, then you won't like it. Because in your head you know exactly, shot-for-shot, what you want it to be. And if it is in anyway different to that vision, then you'll hate it, because Lucas has supposedly raped your childhood, and the films that made you what you are today.

If, however, you are a person who loves the Star Wars films for what they are, rather than from some odd, blinkered, nostalgic warped memories, then you'll quite possibly love it. You might not, but all the ingredients are there that made the original trilogy so memorable.

Hmm. I'm not a star wars fan. I didn't like it very much. My friends who aren't star wars fans weren't fond of it either. Good battle scenes though.



"Terrible acting"

I've read this in a few places. And I'd love to know your definition of a good performance, because I've seen few better this year.

Hayden Christensen is astoundingly good as Anakin - far better than I had ever hoped for. Ever since my housemate saw him performing on stage in the West End a couple of months back, and reported back saying that he was a superb actor, I had high hopes. But I didn't think he'd be able to grasp the character this securely.

Natalie Portman also does a very good job, lots of subtle work going on. Ewan McGregor is flippin' fantastic as Obi-Wan, vastly improving on his less-than-exciting portrayal in The Phantom Menace.

The supporting cast are all convincing, with standout performances from Sam L Jackson and...um...Yoda. Yoda is quite possibly the most astonishing, awe-inducing thing I've seen in the cinema for three years. And I'm not talking his fight scene - I'm taking his performance. The voice acting, the writing, the animation, the overall rendering. It's an incredible achievement, and the first completely successful CG actor.

This made me laugh. You call what you saw acting? acting?

To the oxford dictionary!

"Act'ing : the art or act of performing an assumed or a dramatic part."

Now. With all due respect to the actors (not the support, the main characters), Pinnochio had less wooden acting. Mr McGregor is still having a problem with his character it seems. And while he has certainly improved since last time, he still falls short.

He's not my biggest problem though. My biggest problem here is that of Hayden Christensen. I just don't understand how someone can think he acted really well. He did an alright job but he hardly made me feel emotional throughout the entire movie. I never felt empathy for his character. I couldn't of given a toss if he died at the end (despite knowing he doesn't of course).

Oh and Yoda was quite good yes but has been recently been bettered by Andy Serkis' Gollum (in my opinion).

Anyway, onwards!



"Cheesy dialogue"

So, have you actually watched the original trilogy, Neo?



Can't argue there. The original was damn cheesy. Less up itself though. And seemed more relaxed. The chemistry between the actors was better. In clones (and indeed menace) It feels like all the actors are magnets with the same ends, being forced to work together.



"Choppy script"

What exactly does that mean? I thought the script was very well-balanced. George Lucas has always been a master storyteller, and Attack of the Clones (and the Star Wars saga overall) is perhaps the best evidence of that. The dense plot and complex developments are handled delicately and naturally.



No quarrel with the script. Just the dialouge really. The actual story was ok. Just a more modernised original star wars.



"lack of a likeable character 'group'"

I thought the character interaction and relationships were fantastic in this movie. Phantom Menace definitely lacked big-time in this area, but Clones has great chemistry going on - not least between Mace Windu and Yoda.



Explained earlier. No chemistry what so ever. We did watch the same film right?



"nothing on the original three films"

Well, it's vastly superior to Return of the Jedi in every way imaginable. But that's not exactly difficult.

It also stands up to A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back remarkably well. It can stand beside them perfectly happily.

To be honest I couldn't care less about how it stands up to the originals. I imagine the only people who do are manical fans (no offence to any fanatics out there wink).

Remember kids, this is not an attack. Just an opinion.

Cheers,
Fight.
Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2003, 5:13am

Post 61 of 68

Kid

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Mellifluous wrote:

Which all made me think the clones were gonna be bad guys, helping Palpatine establish himself as Emperor. Also, I thought the Clone Wars were something on far greater scale. The battle wasn't any bigger than the one on Hoth, or the one in Ep 1.
Don't you see he already has taken control and sneakily become the emperor! Backing the trade federation was just to cause a war to allow him to take 'emergency control' which of course we know he isn't going to return to the senate.

Also what we were seeing was just the beginning of the war. Thats why yoda said it had just begun and they kept saying it could be stopped before it started if they got Dooku.
Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2003, 6:07am

Post 62 of 68

Simon K Jones

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Absolutely right, Kid. Surprising how many people don't seem to realise what's really going on in the Star Wars prequels. They have a lot of flaws, certainly, but one element that is consistently underestimated is the plot.

Perhaps goes some way to explaining how certain people reach positions of power, or how some governments go about gradually and subtly removing civil liberties, without the populace even noticing - more often than not, the people will insist that there is nothing to worry about, until it is too late.

After all, that's what the Star Wars prequels are all about. But nobody really seems to realise...maybe they will in a few years...
Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2003, 12:38pm

Post 63 of 68

Mellifluous

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Tarn wrote:

Absolutely right, Kid. Surprising how many people don't seem to realise what's really going on in the Star Wars prequels. They have a lot of flaws, certainly, but one element that is consistently underestimated is the plot.

Perhaps goes some way to explaining how certain people reach positions of power, or how some governments go about gradually and subtly removing civil liberties, without the populace even noticing - more often than not, the people will insist that there is nothing to worry about, until it is too late.
I'm not underestimating the plot. One of the reasons why I love the original films is that you knew exactly what was happening. And the power struggles were evident, and so were the mistakes that had been made by Luke's father. I'm all for Lucas explicitly telling us what happened, but in the Clones the plot is sometimes intangible amidst all the fights and explosions and general noise.

I understand the subtext of the story, though, and I know it's not just a transparent excuse for mindless action. I know that it's about corruption, power struggles and betrayal, of others and of oneself, and mistakes that cannot be undone.

And I totally agree with your second paragraph, Tarn. But I felt that these themes weren't really apparent in Clones. For me they should be at the forefront of the tale, because they are the most important aspect of the Star Wars films. I know with some films you have to look beneath the surface, and really think about what themes or subtext are in films, but I think that it's told in such a way that the water is too muddy to be able to look beneath the surface!

I'm all for films revealing the corruption and double-dealings that go on in real life, because it's important people know what's going on, but I don't think someone watching the Clones will make that analogy unless they are already enlightened, as you obviously are. razz

I'm looking forward to Ep 3 though - it sounds as though it will be much darker (hopefully, anyway). Here's a link you might find interesting:

http://www.actiontrip.com/columns/starwarsepisode3foretaste.phtml

Mel wink
Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2003, 12:57pm

Post 64 of 68

Kid

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I think people forget having seen the first 3 so many times that there are supposed to be surprises and things you dont understand until later in the next film.
Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2003, 2:02pm

Post 65 of 68

Mellifluous

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For me the plot was so muddled that I HAD to refer to the next films to make sense of any of it. I don't think I should have had to have done that.

When I first saw it I hadn't seen the originals for over 6 months, so I did come to the film without any consciousness of the originals, so my view of it was as a standalone film, and as a next step after Ep 1.
Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2003, 2:14pm

Post 66 of 68

Simon K Jones

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FXhome Team Member

Heh, I haven't seen the original trilogy for a couple of years now, but I can still remember every single scene in close detail. Comes from watching them an absurd number of times as a kid. Guess that's just something my generation grew up with, even if we missed them at the cinema.

It's cool that there are some more big memorable movies being made now.

Throughout the 90s I was wondering what happened to the Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Back To The Future style of filmmaking. Where it's pure fun but really good quality too. What with Lord of the Rings, the Matrix and the new Star Wars, we seem to have returned to that idea of spectacular entertainment.

All we need now is for them to make movies like Predator, Terminator, Die Hard etc again. The more adult-oriented action film just doesn't seem to exist anymore...all we get are really poor things like The Core that try and cater for everyone but, in fact, please nobody.
Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2003, 4:16pm

Post 67 of 68

Sollthar

Force: 13360 | Joined: 30th Oct 2001 | Posts: 6094

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SuperUser

Yeah, those good old action flicks... I miss them too! cry
Posted: Sun, 1st Jun 2003, 1:30am

Post 68 of 68

ZikoSuave

Force: 200 | Joined: 22nd May 2003 | Posts: 34

Gold Member

im a huge star wars fan, but man this movie SUCKED. i liked episode1 a lot more than this, and that is tough cause well, i didnt like episode 1. man this movie was soooo bad, i agree with almost everything the original poster said. ESPECIALLY THE ACTING. my god, there are kids in my theatre classes who can act better than hayden and co. the only saving grace was Ewan and you could tell he wasnt trying. neither were any of the other heavyweights. they knew that their acting would not affect how much this film sucked so they didnt try. Samuel L? amazing actor, pretty much reading lines in this movie though. Action scenes were repetitive and very lackluster. i thought when the jedis drew their lightsabers was more exciting than the fight. heres to episode 3 i guess...