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neat movie idea

Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 4:10pm

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SlickV19

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What does everybody think of my movie idea:

a man has information that the government is trying to sell the country into slavery. He is the only one that knows. The government is trying to hunt him down and eliminate him. three goverment officials disagree with the plan. two of them get murdered. the main character is also being hunted by an assassin. the only way he can save the country is by killing the president and vice president. he then turns himself in and goes to prison. after he gets out, he gets kidnapped for his actions. facing murder he must escape and find out who kidnapped him.

what do you think?
criticism wanted.

PS. I have already started filming this.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 4:20pm

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Xcession

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That synopsis omits some key reasons, without which your idea seems a little confused and incomplete.

Why does the man suddenly turn himself in? Why is he wanted for murder? Why does his goal to kill the president suddenly shift focus onto the far less interesting "who kidnapped him".

It reads a bit like a 24 episode basically, complete with 24's pointless plot devices and somewhat meaningless, confusing script.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 4:29pm

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SlickV19

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Sorry for being confusing, he turns himself in AFTER he kills the president. Also, the main reason he wants to find out who kidnapped him is to find out why they did in the first place. he turned himself in so that he could get police help in killing the assassin who was after him (sorry I forgot to mention that.) also, he didn't want to be on the run forever. the movie has a surprise ending. post if you want me to tell you. Oh, and thanks for the criticism.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 6:09pm

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Garrison

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FXhomer12991 wrote:

he turns himself in AFTER he kills the president.... Also, the main reason he wants to find out who kidnapped him is to find out why they did in the first place. he turned himself in so that he could get police help in killing the assassin who was after him (sorry I forgot to mention that.)
He expects the police to help him AFTER he murders the president? How does that work?
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:02pm

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pdrg

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Wouldn't president-dispatching land you in chokey for 25+ years (plus shed loads of media attention - the Lee Harvey Oswold of his day!)?

Just asking, it may have been considered for your story already, so just want to make sure you've covered the obvious obstacles!
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:09pm

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mercianfilm

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Sounds a bit like Prison break- but a bit more confusing!
Although it does sound a good idea i think once you get a proper solid plot that you can summarise easier it'll make it more clear biggrin
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:10pm

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SlickV19

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yeah he kinda got a discount because he sved the country. good question though. also he made a deal to turn himself in if they kill the assassin.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:18pm

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Garrison

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FXhomer12991 wrote:

yeah he kinda got a discount because he sved the country. good question though. also he made a deal to turn himself in if they kill the assassin.
Maybe I'm NOT understanding this, but what I understand you saying is that:

1) the protagonist murders the president.

2) wants to turn himself in to get help from the police to kill an assasin that is trying to kill HIM (the protagonist).

3) discount for serving/saving the country?!? Where can I get one of those?

If you were the run-of-the-mill cop that is taking the protagonist in, and he murdered the president, and some assasin is trying to kill him, WHY wouldn't I just step aside and let the assasin do what I (as a cop) am bound by the law, NOT to do?
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:31pm

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SlickV19

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maybe because you're grateful that you wont become a slave!?!?!?!
sorry, I know it sounds confusing, I was trying to summarize it. I guess it lost some of the key plot details. like these: the secretary of state was the last surviving official who disagreed with the plan. the antagonist recieved a presidential pardon for saving the country. Also, this is more of a action adventure film, not necessarily designed to be completely accurate.
But thank you very much for the criticism, I want all I can get.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:39pm

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Arktic

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If you can't sum up your film in 15 words or less, the plot is too complicated.

It's only a general rule, of course, but more often than not it's true.

I think you'd struggle to reduce that plot to 15 words - I reccomend you go back to plotting it all out again and simplify it. What's the KEY plot, and what 'beats' (what story points and plot devices) are integral to telling that story.

Cheers,
Arktic.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:45pm

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Garrison

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FXhomer12991 wrote:

maybe because you're grateful that you wont become a slave!?!?!?!
It's just that you said earlier that:

FXhomer12991 wrote:

a man has information that the government is trying to sell the country into slavery. He is the only one that knows.
Posted: Fri, 8th Jun 2007, 8:54pm

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SlickV19

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Yeah, this is AFTER everyone finds out. I wish I knew how to post the script on here.
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 8:10am

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Avenging Eagle

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You should instead post a treatment for the film, rather than the script. Very few people will be bothered to read an entire script, so a treatment is helpful to entice people around here. If they like the treatment, they might read an extract of the script.

Remember; treatments usually only contain 3 things:
A plot synopsis:
Although you might be able to sum up your film in 15 words, a synopsis will hav to go into a little more detail and will probably last half a page. Don't go into too much detail but name characters and state their aims in the story.

Character Bios for the Main Characters:
Writing a page per character may be difficult but if you can nail a backstory, this will make his/her motives clearer and the character as a whole more believable. State their name, age, gender, profession (if neccessary) and what they have to do to reach the finale. Do this for all main characters (not just the lead).

Scene Breakdown:
This is when you go into detail. Go through every scene in the film and write what happens. Don't include dialogue but you may want to include the location. Only write a few lines per scene (but more than 4). Include what happens in the finale. Sorry but secrets aren't safe in this game and you'll have to let people know on paper how the story concludes.


That should do it.
AE
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 2:14pm

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Rawree

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Maybe I'm just a bit slow but how would one go about selling a whole country into slavery? If it's all being engineered solely by the President and Vice-President (unlikely) wouldn't they just establish a some kind of dictatorship? My other question is will the actor playing the President be the required 35 years or over for authenticity? I'm just curious because what with the complicated and ambitious plot it would seem that it could easily seem silly if not done properly.
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 2:22pm

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Sollthar

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How old are you?

I'm just asking because I wonder... Is the president going to be 14? Or the assassin? Or anyone else? And what sort of of budget do you have for the production?

It all appears to be pretty difficult to get right. So before I'm posting much suggestions, I'd like to know what sort of "film" I'm looking at here.
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 2:58pm

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Rawree

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Sollthar wrote:

How old are you?

I'm just asking because I wonder... Is the president going to be 14? Or the assassin? Or anyone else? And what sort of of budget do you have for the production?

It all appears to be pretty difficult to get right. So before I'm posting much suggestions, I'd like to know what sort of "film" I'm looking at here.
This is what I was ever so subtley trying to find out above.
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 9:44pm

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SlickV19

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I'm 13. I know this sounds weird, but we've got six people doing this. they are 10, 13, 12, 12, and 21. this isn't exactly going to be perfectly accurate. I hope that answers most of your questions.
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 10:43pm

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Aculag

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What's a 21 year old doing hanging out with a bunch of pre-teen kids?

I'm sure this movie will get finished and be a huge success!
Posted: Sat, 9th Jun 2007, 10:43pm

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jmax

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I'm sensing an outrigger in that number range... biggrin Is it just me or will a grown, shaving man look mildly out-of-place in a group of kids. Maybe you should reconsider the casting for that particular charachter or revise the script so someone twice the age of every other individual involved in the rest of the project isn't present.
Posted: Sun, 10th Jun 2007, 12:42am

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SlickV19

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actually, all of us "preteens" are tal for our age, I'm as tall as the 21 year-old. plus, he plays the burly assassin.
Posted: Sun, 10th Jun 2007, 4:40am

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Aculag

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I'm not sure if you've realized this yet, but height isn't what differentiates age groups. You could have a 10 year old who's 6'4", but no one's going to give him a driver's license or let him buy alcohol. smile

Anyway, good luck on the movie!
Posted: Sun, 10th Jun 2007, 3:10pm

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jmax

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Yeah, I'm 14 and I'm 6'2", and while I can pass for 15 or 16 (which I guess can be useful sometimes); it in no way makes me a capable actor in an adult movie. God no, that sounded bad. smile Let's try that same statement again. I couldn't be taken seriously playing an adult in a movie. There, that sounds better. Height is not a factor in determining someone's credibility as an actor.
Posted: Sun, 10th Jun 2007, 9:24pm

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Sollthar

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they are 10, 13, 12, 12, and 21.
I recommend going with another story then... Even a 21 year old couldn't be president, or an assassin, no matter how tall he is.
Posted: Sun, 10th Jun 2007, 9:49pm

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Rawree

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I notice you all assume that the 21 year old is much taller and looks much older than the rest of them. I think they actually know a 21 year old who looks about 12.

It's slightly irrelevent even if the older guy looks perfect as an experienced assassin because the "president" will have to be chosen from a group of 4 people whos collective age is 47 (to put this in perspective Kennedy was 43 when he was elected).
Posted: Mon, 11th Jun 2007, 4:33pm

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Aculag

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Rawree wrote:

I notice you all assume that the 21 year old is much taller and looks much older than the rest of them. I think they actually know a 21 year old who looks about 12.
It's because he said all the "preteens" are "tal for our age", and that he's as tall as the 21 year old.
Posted: Tue, 12th Jun 2007, 1:50am

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Mustachio

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FXhomer12991 wrote:

What does everybody think of my movie idea:

a man has information that the government is trying to sell the country into slavery. He is the only one that knows. The government is trying to hunt him down and eliminate him. three goverment officials disagree with the plan. two of them get murdered. the main character is also being hunted by an assassin. the only way he can save the country is by killing the president and vice president. he then turns himself in and goes to prison. after he gets out, he gets kidnapped for his actions. facing murder he must escape and find out who kidnapped him.

what do you think?
criticism wanted.

PS. I have already started filming this.


Listen, I don't want to be mean about anything. I'm in the same boat, I young filmmaker trying to think of good, realistic ideas, that I can pull off well. My most recent film was about a pizza boy, a realistic storyline for someone of my age. I'm sorry, but, you shouldn't aim low, just minimize your ideas.

Just commenting on the story: You don't have to pack every aaction cliche into an action movie. Some of the best action movies occur in a basement where someone is getting interagated (sp?) or something small. And I'm not really sure what it's about in the first place. You basically have two different movies, one about a man trying to stop a corrupt government, and another about a man trying to find his kidnappers. Pick one solid idea and build around it. There are many unfinished storylines and things that are completely nonsensical. What is the character's motivation for turning himself in if he wanted to kill the president? Why is it improtant that the other government officials are killed except one? Really, it just needs focusing.

I've also read that you seem to have a group of young actors (and a 21 year old). I don't think it's neccessary to rehash what others have already pointed out on this thread. A 21 year old may make a perfect assassin, but that doesn't matter. From the synospis I counted 6 other adult male characters besides the assassin and probably others not mentioned.

Overall, I'm not going to be mean or anything about this. If you've already started shooting, great, and I hope it turns out well. Just don't be hoping that you'll be discovered at Sundance. I'm sure your actors and friends will love it though. For next, try and think of ideas that are realistic so that you can have a strong, concentrated production that may not be filled with all of the glitse and glamor of a fast paced action film, but its really gonna be a great spring board.
Posted: Tue, 12th Jun 2007, 3:19pm

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SlickV19

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This is more of a "fun" movie. I'm not trying to make money or impress very many people. It's just in my spare as something fun to do.
Posted: Tue, 12th Jun 2007, 5:10pm

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pdrg

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Rawree wrote:


It's slightly irrelevent even if the older guy looks perfect as an experienced assassin because the "president" will have to be chosen from a group of 4 people whos collective age is 47 (to put this in perspective Kennedy was 43 when he was elected).
So they could all play the president collectively...that's how it works, right?

What a film that'd make smile
Posted: Tue, 12th Jun 2007, 5:51pm

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Rawree

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pdrg wrote:

Rawree wrote:


It's slightly irrelevent even if the older guy looks perfect as an experienced assassin because the "president" will have to be chosen from a group of 4 people whos collective age is 47 (to put this in perspective Kennedy was 43 when he was elected).
So they could all play the president collectively...that's how it works, right?

What a film that'd make smile
Yeah, the idea is that they all stand on eachother's shoulders and then put on a long coat...wink