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The Adventures of Oscar and Johnny script.

Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:13pm

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sir alex

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Here's my script properly formated.

Last edited Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:34pm; edited 2 times in total.

Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:28pm

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No Respite Productions

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Hmmmm...

Seems to be a sentence break in that code, try and edit your post and make the whole thing run together with no space between .pdf] and Hear's.

Then you should end up with...

Hear's my script properly formated.
Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:39pm

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mad eye123

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http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Fight-Club.html

Here's a properly formated script. I'm not saying your script can't be read but there's how it has to look to be properly formated. Anyway, i haven't read all of it, just some of the first lines. Without wanting to discourage you and get you down, move on...I mean, movies are not only about star wars, star trek and vfx...and really, i highly doubt you can pull of what you imagine in terms of vfx, if you intend to make a movie based on this.
Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:50pm

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pdrg

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Hiya,

I had a look at your PDF, that format is more commonly used for Radio scripts. If you wrote it in Celtx/other scriptwriting software you will probably find you can just change the format to get you a load closer to the "proper" tv/film format (so it'll look more like the fight club one linked by ME123.)

hth
Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:55pm

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sir alex

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mad eye123 wrote:

http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Fight-Club.html

Here's a properly formated script. I'm not saying your script can't be read but there's how it has to look to be properly formated. Anyway, i haven't read all of it, just some of the first lines. Without wanting to discourage you and get you down, move on...I mean, movies are not only about star wars, star trek and vfx...and really, i highly doubt you can pull of what you imagine in terms of vfx, if you intend to make a movie based on this.
I'll right the next script I do like that. And I think the fx will work well

Last edited Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:57pm; edited 1 times in total.

Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 7:56pm

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sir alex

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Rating: -1

pdrg wrote:

Hiya,

I had a look at your PDF, that format is more commonly used for Radio scripts. If you wrote it in Celtx/other scriptwriting software you will probably find you can just change the format to get you a load closer to the "proper" tv/film format (so it'll look more like the fight club one linked by ME123.)

hth
I used Celtx.
Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 8:21pm

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Terminal Velocity

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Just so you know, I didn't neg you, but don't double post. There's this neat trick called the "edit" button. Oh, and could you not start another thread for the same script? Just post on your old one.

I didn't read the thing, but if formatting is the only thing you changed, then I've got one last bit of advice for you. Make everything more tense and fast-paced. Maybe it's the way you wrote it, but there was no momentum. Other than that, the rest will come with time. Congratulations.
Posted: Mon, 8th Jun 2009, 11:38pm

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sir alex

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Richard III wrote:

Just so you know, I didn't neg you, but don't double post. There's this neat trick called the "edit" button. Oh, and could you not start another thread for the same script? Just post on your old one.

I didn't read the thing, but if formatting is the only thing you changed, then I've got one last bit of advice for you. Make everything more tense and fast-paced. Maybe it's the way you wrote it, but there was no momentum. Other than that, the rest will come with time. Congratulations.
My old thread is locked.

And I'm re formating my script like Mad Eye123 said I should do.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 2:02am

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Terminal Velocity

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Oh. My bad.

I said if all you have done since the old thread is re-format, then I had advice. I didn't know if you had changed the story at all.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 7:13am

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Sollthar

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Sorry sir alex, but what exactly is so difficult for you? This is still not a properly formatted script... crazy
I really can't quite comprehend where the difficulty is. This is still a copy-paste file of what you wrote in the forums...

You start every new scene with a short description of your location, like

STARSHIP - BRIDGE - INT

followed by a scene number on the same line. Then you write your actions. Like this:

JOE enters the room.

Names are usually written in capital letters in order to be more easily found. Sometimes though, they're only written in capitals the first time the name appears.

And now to the part that's still completely off in your script and makes it so tough to read. Dialoge!

A dialogue in a film script is not written like in a stage play script. Have a look at this:


Your version, which is wrong:

Joe: Hello guys. I'm a scriptwriter. And handsome too.

Jack: Hi Joe.

Correct version, properly formattet

...............................................JOE
................................Hello guys. I'm a scriptwriter.
................................And handsome too.

...............................................Jack
................................Hi Joe.



See? The name of the speaking person gets it's own line and is centered in the page. The spoken lines are written below it, also centered and limited to about half of the page. The text never reaches the left or right end of the paper.

That way you can easily seperate scenes by their scene descriptions (written in capitals), actions (left oriented) and spoken lines (centered). And all looks like this:



STARSHIP - BRIDGE - INT...............................................SCENE 1

JOE enters the room.


...............................................JOE
................................Hello guys. I'm a scriptwriter.
................................And handsome too.

...............................................Jack
................................Hi Joe.




Got it now?
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 7:34am

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ben3308

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Honestly, guys, I fret over formatting all the time, but come on:

He's a kid. He wants feedback. If you have trouble imagining it as a screen or teleplay, imagine it as a one-act play or radio feature, and it reads just as easy. It's formatted, give him a break. Maybe not the correct formatting for something that gets shot on camera, but certainly for something that is acted. And, in directorial terms, that's most of what matters.

Just my thoughts.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 9:43am

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Sollthar

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He wants feedback.
Which is the point. he wants others to spend time on the task of reading his work and commenting on it. That's fine, but in his last 2 or 3 posts, those others have requested that he also spends time to make this task as easy as possible - by properly formatting his screenplay. Many have spent their time to give him tips on formatting, gave links, advice and tips.

Those formatting rules make sense because they ease up the process of reading a screenplay. I don't ask for them because it's "standard" or because it's "cool", but because I - and others - have found his screenplay to be very difficult to read just because of how it's formatted. If you have no trouble with the format and think it reads easy, that's fine. Feel free to read it and comment on it. Apparently though, many others don't share that.

Besides, I personally think that, if you ask others for their time, which you do when you request feedback, you should be willing to spend time yourself in order to make this request as easy as possible. And when so many others openly REQUEST something in order for them to spend time on your work, then I also think it's a matter of courtesy to actually invest that time and do what's requested. Formatting was requested and obviously still is.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 10:24am

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ben3308

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I agree completely, I just fail to see where, in terms of dialogue, the differentiation in conventions between theatre and film formats get any easier. In all honesty, I actually find one-act scripts (especially for shorts) are easier to read.

This is just my opinion. I understand making something accessible on the basis that you need help with it, but I think the formatting he has is accessible and efficient as-is.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 1:03pm

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Sollthar

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Having studied theatre to a full uni-degree myself I can assure you, that's not proper formation for a theatre script either. smile

The scene changes aren't visible on one look (they should have an act description next to them instead of a scene number) and most importantly, there's no visible difference between action and dialogue. Usually, dialogue itself has tabs in order to have it all on the same line, so you can easily skim through a page and see what's dialogue and what's action. In most theatre scripts, a spoken line character is written in BOLD letters, again, to make a visible difference between dialogue and action.

Like this:

1.5 Spaceship bridge

Joe enters the bridge of the spaceship. Jackson is already there.

Joe:................Hey man, what's up with you?

Jackson:........Nothing. Just chillin'


Again, making it all very easy to seperate scenes, action and dialogue with just one look. This script doesn't have that. If I want to find out if what I'm looking at is actually a scene description, a dialogue or an action, I have to read it. And the idea of proper formatting is to get a good overview of what to expect, if even just in the next line. Not read, then decide what I've just read.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 7:46pm

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sir alex

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Richard III wrote:

Oh. My bad.

I said if all you have done since the old thread is re-format, then I had advice. I didn't know if you had changed the story at all.
I didn't change the story at all.


sollthar wrote:

Sorry sir alex, but what exactly is so difficult for you? This is still not a properly formatted script...
I really can't quite comprehend where the difficulty is. This is still a copy-paste file of what you wrote in the forums...

Sir Alex wrote:

And I'm re formating my script like Mad Eye123 said I should do.
Don't you see, I'm working on the formating.
Posted: Tue, 9th Jun 2009, 8:09pm

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Terminal Velocity

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I think he means, don't post until you've got it formatted correctly.
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 12:58pm

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sir alex

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I now have the script proparly sormated. I don't have it online yet but I will soon.
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 4:25pm

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sir alex

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Alright, Here
it is.
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 6:55pm

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TheOutlawAmbulance

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Well that was better but it is really, really annoying when you put "Change to inside view" and "Change to outside view". I just don't find it nessicary to do so. Also you don't have to skip 2 lines on every action. Take this from your script:

"CHANGE TO OUT SIDE VIEW.

Oscar's ship is floating towards an imperial ship.

CHANGE TO INSIDE OSCAR’S SPACE SHIP

Oscar grabs his gun and walks towards the door.

3 imperial guy’s walk in.

Oscar points his gun at the imperial guy’s for a few
seconds.

Oscar drops his gun and puts his hands up."

Try this:
"Oscar's ship is floating towards an imperial ship. Oscar grabs his gun and walks towards the door. 3 imperial guy’s walk in. Oscar points his gun at the imperial guy’s for a few seconds. Oscar drops his gun and puts his hands up."

This just my opinion or you could only put one on top of the other like this:
Oscar's ship is floating towards an imperial ship.
Oscar grabs his gun and walks towards the door. 3 imperial guy’s walk in.
Oscar points his gun at the imperial guy’s for a few seconds.
Oscar drops his gun and puts his hands up."

This is just my opinion though. Good Luck! and looking forward to it when you are done!-Storm
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 7:28pm

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Terminal Velocity

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Agree with Storm here. Also, I don't think--though I'm no scriptwriter--that you don't need to post the angle of each shot, because that'll be worked out in the storyboard. The script just works out the actions and dialogue/monologue and acting in general. Plus, if you split the work up it gets easier to sort through.
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 8:39pm

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Mike Q

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The problem with your version storm is it reads more like a novel, not a script. When you start with an EXT. shot, then move to an INT. shot you need to mark those changes. And also, without the spaces in between the text, it's too close to read clearly.

And Richard, if he's planning on directing, then the angles will help him when he comes to do so.

INT. OSCARS SHIP

BLAH BLAH

EXT. OSCARS SHIP

Heading towards an Imperial ship

INT. OSCARS SHIP

Oscar grabs his gun

CLOSE ON GUN

for example.

And instead of:

SCENE DESCRIPTION: OSCAR AND JOHNNY ARE FLYING THROUGH SPACE
WITH THEIR JET PACKS

try:

EXT. SPACE

Johnny and Oscar are flying through space wearing their jet packs.

Last edited Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 9:02pm; edited 1 times in total.

Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 8:58pm

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Terminal Velocity

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Mike Q wrote:

And Richard, if he's planning on directing, then the angles will help him when he comes to do so.
Right, but isn't that the point of a storyboard?
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 9:04pm

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Mike Q

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Not as such, a story board is there to help everyone else, mainly the camera guys and D.O.P so they have a visual aid in setting up the shot. The director already has the scene mapped out in his head. The story board can be an aide to him/her as well.
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 9:16pm

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Mike Q

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Apologies for the double post but I forgot to coment on the actual script.

I would like to see more angles, personely. Even just the occasional

CLOSE ON:

Whatever it may be.

Especially when there's long dialogue scenes. Just to break up the page.

And remember, when you change to a location that WE haven't seen before, give us a quick description of the scenery. It helps us to get involved in the scene.

But as a first time script, well done, better than my first attemtps. Mine were filled with every angle imaginable, Close ups on everything. eek
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 9:48pm

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Terminal Velocity

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Mike Q wrote:

Not as such, a story board is there to help everyone else, mainly the camera guys and D.O.P so they have a visual aid in setting up the shot. The director already has the scene mapped out in his head. The story board can be an aide to him/her as well.
Oh, okay.

Mike Q wrote:

But as a first time script, well done, better than my first attemtps. Mine were filled with every angle imaginable, Close ups on everything.


I used to write comic scripts just for fun: play scripts, not movie ones. That and comedy poems. biggrin Never recited them, I just did it...
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 10:11pm

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Mike Q

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The best way to learn about scripts, and their layouts, is to read as many as you can. I pick my favourite films and download the scripts from here
http://www.script-o-rama.com/

Scripts, not trans-scripts.

The more you read, the more you'll like the way certain script writers set scenes, layout their shots and transitions etc. Copy all the parts you like and come up with your own style.

And hey, I'm no expert, still trying to find my own style cool
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 10:53pm

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ashman

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I would like to see more angles, personely. Even just the occasional

CLOSE ON:
I'd actually advise against this. It's something that is best left to the director and his DP to discuss while breaking down the script. I understand you may be directing this story but it's your duty at this point as a writer to stick to the discipline. You can include camera directions but it's good courtesy to have no more than four written into a feature based on 120 pages.

It’s just a question of writing for people who read the script and not how you picture it in your head as a director.

Best,
Ash.
Posted: Sat, 13th Jun 2009, 11:22pm

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Mike Q

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Yeah, fair enough. I suppose you could have two scripts, one just the bare bones. The second for your self, if directing of course, showing the camera angles and movements etc.

And I only mentioned the use of CLOSE ON, or ANGLE ON, just to break up page after page of dialogue.